I haven't written here in ages and lots has been happening in life with church, college now that im living in Koinonia House and various other things. But i feel the time has come after the past weekend.
We had a Lay Witness Weekend in Seymour Street with a team of 15 fantastic people who came to share with us as a church family. If im honest I was really excited about the weekend, i've had a few struggles over the past couple of weeks, so I was really excited about what God was going to do in our church and in our lives individually. But I was a little let down...the meal on Friday night was great and i believe I was sitting beside the person i was meant to as we had wonderful conversation about things that were on both of our hearts but I left the event feeling a little...empty!! I was really disappointed that God hadn't shown up for me, why when I was so open and excited to receive was I leaving with such a disappointed empty feeling. Or maybe I wasn't as open as I had thought and God had shown up but I just didnt recognise it?!
Saturday came and I went to one of the coffee mornings, a wonderful time of fellowship, friendship and sharing with an awesome and powerful testimony shared very openly with the group and yet i was still asking, "God where are you in this? Why can't I hear what you are saying to me?"
If im honest once more, I was reluctant to go again on the Saturday evening but through the persuasion and encouragement of a good and caring friend I went. After all, how could I expect God to move and give if I wasnt there and open to receive. Again it was an enjoyable time of fellowship and sharing with the Witnesses who very openly shared their story of their walk with God. But once more I couldnt understand why God was being so silent to me. After being so excited and so expectant.
It wasnt until the Sunday that I 'woke up'...during the service on Sunday morning i had such a sense of God's presence and a real sense of being told 'I am with you and I will be there the entire way'
This continued into the evening service which was a true blessing...so many people shared an encouraging testimony/story of what they had received from the weekend. I also received an image of what our church was part of...during one of the first songs we sang during worship "The Splendour of the King", I had an image of our church standing in front of the throne of God which was blazing with light, shining golden and we were joining with hundreds of other people from everywhere alongside Angels and Archangels, all the hosts of heaven in bringing praise and glory to our Father and God. It was a humbling and amazing image and a very special insight into how we as a fellowship are part of the bigger picture of God's fellowship.
So after struggling to find God in what was happening He made it very clear to me that He was there all along. If anything I was depending to much on my emotions and feelings to know that right from the start. Sometimes we just need to relax and know....
